My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
