I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
you never un-have a 4some
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
