Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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