oh god the rape fog is back!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
