I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
