Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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