I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize