if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
