ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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