if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
