Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
