That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
