I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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