Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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