he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
