and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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