ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
