it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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