she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
my liver is dry heaving
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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