; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you would pick up someone in the library
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
