In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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