gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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