The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
