Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
