Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I could fuck to npr.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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