We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
