Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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