So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
