the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
