o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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