We're like a lot better than the average bears
I want to stick my p in your. b.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
