i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
