A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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