I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize