Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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