I need help removing her.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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