You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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