I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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