is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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