there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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