You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
