I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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