U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize