I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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