I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize