so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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