he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
