i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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