I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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