There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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