Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
