He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
