My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize