I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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