Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
