his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
