butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
