We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
