There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
