i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
