You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
