Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I accidentally burped into my bong.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
