C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize