you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
