so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
