so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
