Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize