i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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