She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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