I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
