I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
