God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
