I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
