I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
