saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
