Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
