its not stalking. its research.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
