i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
