took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize