allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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