Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
