someone get that fucking seahorse.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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