I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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