3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
