Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
