Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
