Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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