Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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