Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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