I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
