I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i out mim tonsoeep
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