i don't plan on having that self control this summer
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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