Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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