So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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