If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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