Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
