Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
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