ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
