Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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