There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
