Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have aggressive nipples.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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