Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
