Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
