I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
