sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
