So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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