Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I still have a little drunk in my system
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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