dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
