Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
