I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
