I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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